question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
