Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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