I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
