I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
