seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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