I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
