Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
