I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
