she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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