She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
