my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
