im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
