Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
