I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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