I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
