i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
