What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize