I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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