Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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