Will you blow on my dice?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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