Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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