McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
