Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
