He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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