I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My feet surprised me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
