We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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