community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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