You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
