We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize