i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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