We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
