Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
