i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Even my vagina gasped.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize