we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
