I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
