Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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