I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
