why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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