I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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