Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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