dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
