moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
