Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I bet he comes in French.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
