I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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