I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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