my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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