im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
