Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
