This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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