8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
