i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
