Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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