you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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