He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
my liver is dry heaving
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
