I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
