You really coming over, don't trick.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
