Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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