I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
