He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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