The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
