it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize