I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
