Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
