i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
