im gay
i know
yea but for you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
