Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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