i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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