mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
