i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
