did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
