I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
