I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize