do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
