If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
